October It may be tempting this month, dear Gemini, to set your sights on long term goals and neglect the mundane details that need your attention. This could haul you up a little short mid-month when challenging aspects between Mercury, your ruler, and Saturn, in your sign, remind you to pay attention to your business. Expansive Jupiter is moving through Leo in the area of your life that relates to thinking and communication. At the same time, Neptune is turning direct in Aquarius, bringing unusual ideas and distractions. Chances are the last twelfth months have required you to deal with significant pressures, and you are ready for a break. Mercury will move through the area of your life that represents pleasures and personal fulfillment in the last part of the month. Plan a lovely escape around October 20, and take someone special with you. You have earned it! Lovely aspects between Mercury, Mars and your Sun will add excitement to romance for you now! The energies that relate to relationships and money are looking very good for you in October, Gemini, as long as you keep your risk-taking to a minimum. Take care of business early in October so that you will have the opportunity to celebrate at month's end.
Tuesday ( 1 )
I have nothing and want nothing to say here. (except that life is a slutfest, and I'm not invited)... so wish me all a Happy October!
Monday ( 7 )
Last week has been a riot. And for your pleasure I will write none about it. I wish Charlotte a Happy Birthday. As always.. the more that is going on in my mind; the less I write in here.
Saturday ( 12 )
Lives are so incredibly seperated; there is hardly any sympathy. When we are all too busy with perceiving influences from our own surroundings it is easy to forget other people have the same. In fact, you can quite simply prove that there doesn't exist any other real people except for yourself. That does not stop vegetarians from caring for animals.. even though many of them are vegetarian merely because they don't like the taste of meat. And another big part of them rides horsies. ("They really like to be ridden, trust me! (heck I like to be ridden too)") What for one person can mean a lot is maybe quite something else for the other. The words 'I'm sorry' often mean more to the one that has heard them than the one that has said them. The same goes at times for the words 'I love you'. Two people can look back at the same year they shared in completely contradicting ways. A conversation can be read in a million ways, so now I ask you, what is truth? That is not so easy.. and it can cause quite a lot of pain for a person like me that searches for the truth in things. So you could say truth is anything that isn't false. I know that it is false that anyone has truly loved me, so truth is that I am the person that can fill someones boring Sunday afternoon, that does the dishes when nobody else will, that is a boring dildo, that causes world famine and that you can yell at when you are incomfortable, that you blame to clear your conscience, that.. is me.
But from all this drama that I have put up here there is a person that doesn't care for all that. That is also me. The person that apparantly does not give up against all odds. That still believes things will change and work out in the end. "It will all be fine, in the end." ..truth or dare?
I am ashamed of myself. Of what I have produced. Would you believe I can also make jokes, have fun, be carelessly happy, love like there is no tomorrow. Beneath the bitterness that passion is still there, but in this journal what can I do but whine about things people have no want listening to. But the fact is:
I'm depressed.. not 'just' depressed, it is final now: I am pathologically depressed. But I don't want medication, and I sure don't want to 'talk' to people about it anymore; though they say I should. They also point out that you shouldn't fight against it. So I should accept I am. Which means I am not supposed to make jokes anymore to feel good. It means I should really be bummed about the fact that to me last year meant something different for me than for someone else. It means I shouldn't think that everything will be alright in the end and the fact that I have done absolutely nothing the last few weeks, no school work, no hobbies, no nothing.. well I don't know what they want me to think about that.. I just trust them as much as I trust most people. Too easily and wrongly that is.
Sunday ( 13 )
..I forgot to mention that they sell Cherry Coke here again. Yesterday at 2am when I couldn't sleep a movie started, a comedy about a drug that cured depression. Isn't that ironic?? Well NO, technically that isn't ironic, but I am sure everybody knows that. Ok.. THAT was ironic. lol. It would be nice if I could finally say what I think of certain people without any restraints. Just yell out loud so to say. But this whole journal thing is a bit sick because deep down I know exactly what people are reading this, so whatever I say here I am responsible for, which is typically something you don't want in a journal. And do I really want people who don't know me and visit my page have as a first impression of me this what I write here? I think not. So as for my next trick, after my magical disappearance act off everyone's chat list, I will close down this journal. I'd like to thank those few who did visit this to read it regularly. Jane and Jasenka, thanks for that, although I am even doubtful what you are really thinking when you read all this. Charlotte, you know I hate you, I know you hate me, but thanks for being the muze to have made all this and update things. Cassandra.. since I don't resemble your ex anymore you have visited less, but are still here once in a while.. honestly I have no idea why; but nice of you to drop by.
What can I say? .. BYE!
** END OF TRANSMISSION **
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