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September Expect some challenges on the domestic front in September, dear Gemini, as the Sun and Mars combine in Virgo in the area of your life that governs home and family. Perhaps there are tasks that need to be tended to, or repairs that need to be made. Get these out of the way early. You may have a nice surprise coming around September 14, when Mercury turns retrograde in Libra. An alignment from Mercury to Neptune and your Sun may bring you into contact with someone from the past. You will want plenty of time to celebrate and reminisce. This could be an old friend, or an old lover. If this is romance, you may find that it still has the capacity to arouse you. As transiting Venus begins its journey through sultry Scorpio, there may be temptations that put a current relationship at risk. Proceed carefully. Since Jupiter, the planet of expansion and good luck, is moving through the area of your life that governs communications with others, it may be very easy to promise more than you can deliver. You have a gift for words, and are very persuasive. Make certain that you know what you want this month, Gemini, because you may get it.
Sunday 1st
Okay it is now the first Monday of my 4th university year. I have no schedule so I'm just winging my way through the day. I found out that the booklet which contains all the information I need about courses and basically all the points I need to collect and the rules to abide to does not exist anymore and won't anymore either. They just stopped giving information. She said that in due time it MIGHT become available online but I didn't have to count on it. So yes, I'm winging. So to all that missed it I will explain what happened in Sweden. For those who don't know: In a state of optimism and dreamlike desire I booked a ticket to Sweden to meet Charlotte, who would not know of my coming until I was at the Stockholm Airport. Needless to say I spent the week of secracy as a nervous wreck. Sweden I must say is a gorgeous looking country; if you say trees I say a lot of em. To sum the whole country up I'd use the words vast.. vast forests, vast plains, wide streets, big houses,.. even all the girls I met were that. lol.. ok kidding there. I met with Charlotte and exchanged a nervous hug. We walked around Eskilstuna during the afternoon which was one of the nicest days since it was all quite awkward and new and happy. The next day I spent alone in Eskilstuna, after sleeping in a haunted hostel outside of town. Wednesday morning Char and I visited the local zoo for maybe 2 hours which was a strange experience since it consisted largely of accusations and bickering and not really many moments of bonding. The next day I transported myself to a cheap city hotel and in the afternoon I visited Lottie and her chaperone Caroline. That was frankly very nice, having lunch and peddling in the pool. In the evening we walked around the now festive town and slipped into a 21&over bar which was also cool for a while.. but when the evening grew late it dawned on me that I finally had an answer to the question if anything would 'happen' between us. It showed in Charices behaviour to me but also what I had found out in myself. So sadly I had to slip away from the 2 girls to sob a bit in my hotel room about the consequences of all this. The next day started awkward as a lot of plans for during the day were cancelled. But in the evening we had a great time, she even got me to dance.. now that's not easy I tell you. lol. We ended up giving a hug which was a good one and a good goodbye. The next day I left Eskilstuna on my own accord to roam around Stockholm for an afternoon to see all the different islands. At night I saw Men in Black 2 in one of the many theatres around. I slept, came back and here I am today. Some experiences richer, but not with more experience lol ;). PS Charlotte, thanks for all you did that week. Thursday 5th Today I went to Maastricht for the introduction of a multidisciplinary project. That means I am part of a group of members of other studies and I am working on a problem that is not directly related to physics, but of course in the end it is lol.. cauze everthing is physics. Anyway we have to make a model of a heart, simulating the blood flow through the atriums and ventricles and the main arteries. We have to set up differential equations for volume and pressure and simulate muscle activity, program that into a simulation. Then fine tune it and check if the results are similar to patient information. So why do this? Well if we have a model we can simulate what happens to the heart of small children with heart affects and simulate different solutions so doctors know how to treat certain affects. I am hungry all day really.. what else can I say? Life is going its way. I wish I could curl into someone though... wishful thinking. Saturday 7th Yes! Charrie has her pictures developed, and I must say I am very pleased with the results lol.. thanks Lottie! I updated the Sweden page with the new treasures. Not much else is happening around here. I'm picking up a few Russian words here and there but nothing to be worried about. The 99.98% of humanity I don't like still bugs me, that's about it I think. And thank you Jane-sweetie ;) lol, for your lovely St. Petersburg card.. or should I say Sankt-Peterboerge lol; and may I compliment you on your own elegant handwriting? Leaves me to thank Alicia for that email.. yes I was busy this week, but also I just didn't feel like being online a lot, I know you'll understand. Saturday 14th Household day.. dishes, laundry, groceries... a woman day's work (but I am doing it in a few hours). I'm also cleaning my MSN and ICQ lists which are quite clodded with all kind of people that once maybe would have become a friend. I met Febe last Thursday evening which was in short loadsa fun, although I had almost eloped with a different curlyhaired girl (but far less cute) that was waiting at the meeting point. lol We should do it again sometime soon. (!) My work on my report is not going at all fast and because I could not get a hold of a book I needed for my project I will be VERY busy on Monday and Tuesday preparing all the stuff. I noticed once again that one gets very depressive if one is alone for a while, there seems to be no cure except having one or more real persons around; which sadly does not include online people. And that is the small update for my life in this week of September. Saturday 21th Yesterday was quite a novelle day. First I went to the school for hairdressers to get my hair cut for cheap. But before I could get cut several hairdress girls were feeling René's and my hair allover to see if we were Exam material lol. They wanted to use us as Exam models for them to do their exam on. But then we had to wait till October 16 to get our hair cut which was a part of the deal we didn't like. Then it took ages for us to get cut at all, and I tell you that the efficiency in that establishment is zero.zero lol But it was quite funny.. and when the cutting was over the teacher would come over and feel me allover (oh yeah baby!) and give the student a grade for my coup. Talking about 'oh yeah baby!', the cutment included a free hair wash and let me tell you, my hair has only been washed twice by someone else since I was a baby AND IT FEELS GOOOOOD! lol.. I was thinking ooh baby don't stop now, hit me, hit me! lol Unfortunately she was done in a few minutes.. but even so, she didn't just wash my hair.. it felt like a complete scalp massage. *purrrrs* After that Daniele and Jeroen came over for Dinner and a Movie lol. We went to see 'Heaven' in town. It was a nice movie to see all the way, but the typical Tom Tykwer moments didn't really work for me anymore. Besides the movie should've been far more deeper and moving than it was. It was good enough for the money though lol. After that, my friend or fiend, we went to the Jazzpodium. A sort of Jazzy bar in a cellar in town. If you expect a bit more quiet sophisticated or intriguing people than your average bar.. then you like me are dearly mistaken lol. Half of the crowd also played in the Austin Power movies, the other half was either crazy, drugged or insane.. the barman broke 5 glasses before he could finish our order of 4 beers and was given his minute's notice for that. The music was pretty cool though and I have to admit that the psychedelic dancing crowd was quite amusing too look at for a while.. but after that one beer we split the hell out-a-there. At home we discussed The Universe, Life and Everything till 5am and then I kicked my little snozzle to bed. Sunday 22th My chest burning... my arms shaking... my hands grasping.. luckily some pillows can still my hunger barely. As the night passes into afternoon depression turns into anger. And anger turns into hate. As most hate can't last long in my body this one will, it grew silently but it will stick with me till the end of time. Apparantly it is not enough to have the people I don't like to be horrible.. nope the people I actually like have to betray me and be horrible as well. Today I nominate you, FEBE. I have warned you, but it happened again; and so already I can trust you for shit, and that won't change very easily I'm affraid. No more mr. get-me guy, I got hate and I will show it.. I'm blocking dear Feebs for the week. And I will probably won't be online this week anymore to chat with anyone. I'm quite sick of this world, there is absolutely nothing worth living for except what I create. Let me be alone, I HATE YOU ALL! Tuesday 24th I want you .. rockin' back inside my heart. Depression is over and I hope everybody understands that the phrase 'I HATE YOU ALL' is one that came from the heart not the mind. That may sound even worse but those who do get it are the only ones that have to get it. People always say that it is hard to say goodbye, to let go and to say hastalavista, baby, I won't be back. For me that's easy as far as my experience goes. I've lost quite some friends in my past and I can't really say I regret or am saddened by that. Out of sight, out of heart, out of mind and out of experience so to say. Nope, no trouble with moving ON... my trouble is moving TO. Yeah, I have to work on that. But give me a destination and I'm going there loyal as a priest on Sunday in the jacuzzy. Writing in here is hopeless.. I've been browsing around on other sites and found journals with quatsch just like here and probably someone wrote the same hairy wisdom like I have here on January 8 1996 in Guatamala but how would I ever know? There should be some program that crawls the web for all the infinite cheesy wisdom people write in the desperate hours of their nihilistic existance and combines that into one book. One book of Wisdom. Give it a nice cover; you know something catchy like 'Wanna be a wiseguy?'. Let Oprah write a preface and do a little piece about it in one of her Angel Network (R) apple-pie give-away Book Club shows. That way you are assured of the sales of at least the female side of the world population which will then roughly be about 3 billion. That is 3,000,000,000 people.. well give or take a few. No.. even better, only print it 3,000,000,000 times so you can't sell more. That leaves the other roughly 3 billion people wisdomless and they will either fight to read the book as well or cause World War III and the inevitable doom of life as we now know it but still don't understand it. But let us not be so optimistic and assume everyone will have read all the wisdom in this world. Then what? Yeah.. good question. I think a large part will fail to understand the wisdom and use their misinterpretation to start a big cult which will.. clichely enough, lead to the inevitable doom of bla bla bla saucage. So what is my conclusion? My conclusion is that I fail to find a course of action in this world which does not lead to catastrophe which means I am quite the sourpuss. Therefore I will, without any sarcasm, say that I believe the world will exist for many many many years and that there will be plenty of people that will live in happiness love and prosperity. Who fly on the wings of goodness to a plane where hurting stops and cold feet are warmed in a fountain of youth and virility. All I'm saying is.. give me directions how to get there and I'm game! Friday 27th OK time to bare my buttocks. I have told one other person about this who claimed everybody has it and well that kind of killed my story. Fact is that I experience it and I do not hear anyone else complain about it.. so unless this is some kind of taboo I think I do have a point in saying what the hell I feel. And even if it is a taboo, I'm dutch, I exist to break taboos. I have a pain in my stomach. It is a physical pain and it is chronic. It is hard to locate the source but the core pain is I guess a few centimeters above my belly-button. It is not always very painful; sometimes I hardly notice it is there, other times it is quite bad. But what of it? How does it feel? It is hard to say what it would feel like for you, because I always experience the sensation.. but.. I will try. Think of it as an eternal hunger; sometimes when I eat a lot I don't feel it anymore.. but it is not hunger. The feeling makes every strawl a panic run, makes every appointment a thing I cannot be allowed to be late for, makes every conversation feel like an oral exam, makes every tossing and turning night in bed feel like the day before my birthday when I was 8, it makes every decision a doubtful one, makes every statement feel like a lie and makes every walk through the dark like watching a thriller. It makes every joyful moment relative, it makes all future paths frightening it makes every single spare time minute a ponder minute about all the things I have to have done by the end of the day/week/month/year. Needless to say I think it's hell really, but hardly something you or at least I will go to see a doctor about. I do have my good moments..this is when I am happy, alone and busy or in good comanpy. Happy is when I am watching a very good movie for instance, alone and busy is when I am home alone and have just done shopping and preparing to cook diner, good company is well.. I suppose what it all comes down to is distraction. When I get a good distraction; then I'm A-Ok. But I suppose I am looking for that moment that the pain there is gone, that I don't feel anything anymore. A numbness to it all. Too bad I'm against drugs.. lol |